~For John

When I say- I love you.

I don’t say it to save you.

                                                                                                                 -I say it to destroy myself-

The old self,

The restricted self,

And my intolerant self.

I say those words-

Not because of you,

                                                                                                         -I say it to awaken-

To be reborn,

Leaning on self acceptance,

For my ascension to my providence.


But it is because of you-

That I now glow from within from the light of stars.

                                                                                                   -And because of  you-

 I will arise as a warrior worthy of love.





As you rained down,

Onto my delicate skin.

I felt the heat blister,

To grow jungles within.

Feeling your groundswell,

Under my sieved gaze,

We were flagged,

Not lost,

Marked as yours-




Gift from My Love Completed by kamillyonsiya

(Gift from My Love by kamillyonsiya on Deviant Art)



Oh mockingbird- why do you laugh,

With forlorn magic under your hat?

The universe spirals the wheel of spoils,

Yet your quills write love-songs, teased with coil.

Hide beneath your feathers, those rare rainy jewels.

They’re tiny glittering teardrops, of hopeful fairy dew.

Do you see me, or do you foretell my mimicking potential?

Of loving him forever,  for knowing him is consequential.

His elegant smile- opens my great fortress of shade.

And pulls forgotten blooms forward: creating abundance of wildflower glades.

He makes me fly with kind words, and not flattery.

Collecting twigs for his nest, I am his home, eternally.





I’m never not looking or waiting for you:


Bold crickets serenade the watching moon,

And I think of you.

Gentle breezes lift tiny curls on my crown,

And I feel your understanding touch.

The smell of the first heavy raindrops from a frantic summer storm,

And I taste the charged flavor of you.


You dance with all my unseen senses through nature,

And instinctively I open my lungs, my mind, and my heart.

Absorbing the tenderness of my emotion,

Swallowing your sentiment.

I no longer curse the subtle connections,

That tether us, not allowing desuetude of soul.


Come to me my love:

In animal song, in playful breeze and in savory rolling thunder.

Breathe into me inspiration.

Evoke and awaken forgotten connection,

Submerge me away with abstract hope ever so gently.


The warmth of the sun holds the golden glitter of our hearts,

That innocent children delight and color their worlds in.






He spoke my name in whispers,

With a simple blistering kiss.

Etching my soul to yearn,

Reaching our forgotten reminisce.


Eloquent of humanity,

Recognition of his blood.

Lip upon lip:

I knew it was him, the one that I loved.


Come to me, dream darling

Cross the bridge and awake!

Reunited incarnated souls;

We will save the world from hate.








An apology, an explanation, and a hug

It has been a few months since I’ve even logged into my site here,  or even allowing myself to be present and try to feel my thoughts into song, parameter or rhyme.

For that, I owe each of you an apology. Each of you deserve it. I owe it to each of you who have been so gracious, concerned, and who supported me and my erratic writings encouraging me forward.  I left. I turned my light out and left you all in the dark.

I am sorry.

But I didn’t abandon you. I’ve carried all of your inspiration and kindness inside of me, knowing that when I was stronger I would be back.

The last quarter of 2016 for me, was hellish.  I know it was for a lot of you too.

I struggled with everyday life in just trying to keep my precious words of creativity in harmony with in real life situations and living.  I was unable to do it. I was unable to remain open,  and had to pull myself back. I had to conserve the energy that I was bleeding out without replacement, and I had to find my center again.

I think we all go through these cycles of open and closed. When words pull emotions out of the darkness inside of us to share and release it, but the reality hits that we’re not yet ready to face those emotions. Or we pull out monsters and hidden truths we’d forgotten about and it’s more than we bargained for. But we try anyway.

We push when we should hold. For our own sanity, we should hold sometimes.  But it’s what we do as wordsmiths, we push the boundaries of our limits to go further. It’s what makes us better. It is what propels us to the stars and beyond, but it also can be our undoing. Being stubborn and not willing to give up, we press and push forward when we should hold.

Most of you are way more skilled and proficient in navigating the emotions that comes with deep sharing that writing allows us to do, and maybe you won’t understand what I’m even talking about because you are so much strong than I. But if you really write from the heart and the center of that darkness, I feel you will understand this more than I am even capable of explaining.

I can’t promise my writing has returned to like it was before. But strings of sentences to untold stories, dorky antidotes, and musings are bubbling and tickling to be seen and shared.

Thank you for staying with me. The kind words you’ve given and sent over the past few months have meant more than I can even express. I am slowly working my way through correspondence and will respond to you soon.

Hugs* for you all!



Side note-  John Bender is no longer lost and has found me.  🙂

Forget Me Not

In darken corners

Of bruised hearts

The Forget Me Not

Will sometimes mark

Graves of scars

In velvet cloak

Tattered by tears

From empty yoke

Fragile stems

Gone to seed

In lovers gardens

An unkempt weed


With wistful longing

The Forget Me Not

Blooms hope prolonging

Tender petals

In pale pastels

Enduring love

That never fails

Faithful flower

Bouquet of blossom

Inside my heart

You are never forgotten





They come arching across night skies

With their trails of glitter

Following behind

And under breath

They whistle our love song sweet


They take cue

So we might dance

On their borrowed time

And dream

Of arms meant to hold us

And of hearts meant to beat



They do it all for our love


Delighted they grin at me

And wink in merry mischief


And I comprehend

In those silent gazes

While throwing wishes

The stars are in sparkle

For us they die

And happily fall from the sky

To give me a chance

Of dreams that come true

They unselfishly give their lives

All just so I can wish for you









Seminole Moon

Ol’ gypsy moon

Mother of the Seminole

Find my lost lover

Rescue my weary soul

Fill me with calming peace

Heal me from the hate

Give my lover courage

Let your glow illuminate

Two lives separated

But connected by your tide

Hear my pleading prayer, ol’ moon

Bring me back to life

Pull his heart closer

Remind him of my love

Give him my many kisses

Blown to you up above

Ol’ gypsy moon

Send my lover back my way

My only wish tonight

Is bring him back to stay

Ol’ gypsy moon

Wipe my tears away

Reunite what’s been lost

I can’t live without him another day.








Gaslight my sunset days red

Striking matches wet with tears

While herding my goats

With a charming conniving smile


Passion burns bridges blue

Intensity of the highest hate

Frosting warm hearts

In condescending icy dew


Forgiveness is divine

While hate is the  unsung lullaby

Lived daily

By megalomaniacs


Burn me quicker

Than whispered prayers

Bitter berries ripe

Sow seeds of instability


Jealousy impersonates

Ventriloquist’s throw voices

Sabotaging bouquet’s all simultaneously

From corners of poisoned lips


Toxicity drowns lights rays

Sucking a noodle’s gravity from black-holes

My hope struggles to flicker SOS

To to the refugee’s of humanity


Colors smudge muddy, I see you for what you are

Prideful honor hunts vanity

But yet I remain mute

Tongue crippled by a cat’s confusion


My silence seen as frailty

Gives you grins of murmured mirth

I lick flesh wounds salty for strength

Beginning an underdog’s rebellion of stymies


Armored to know your beast

I once was loyal friend and cared

Recrimination unadulterated prepared

Vengeance of disregard will be an egocentrics hell