Is there a Dr Carl Jung in the house?

I had one of the most horrible and stress-full days to date that I have ever had at my current job today.

I think last month I blogged about the full moon affecting people and their lunacy, and how they interact with us in daily life because of it?  Today kind of holds true to this pattern of thinking about lunacy and confirms it, at least in my mind! I wonder if I will write every full moon about  creating ‘crazy’?  grins*

If anything at work today could have went sideways in any way shape or form, it seems like it did! I think I spent more time putting out proverbial fires than actually getting any work done. (But there will be days like this- mama said, mama said. =))

My intent to blog this post was not about all the things that went wrong though, it was instead to blog about Mr. Bender…again.  I know you all have to be getting tired of this! I also bet there are a few of you who think I’m off my rocker with my bleeding heart constantly talking and referring that everything on the daily seems to still have a connection to him. That’s okay, I still need to write it out for myself. I figure you will either read it or you won’t.

So as I was saying, today was absolutely awful. That isn’t even an exaggeration. People were nasty and disrespectful, there was complete chaos on a couple of work projects, and as life would have it I happened to be in the middle of it all and expected to handle it last year. Add into it, that today is exactly 4 weeks since talking to Mr. Bender in any shape or form(besides this in my head). But I was feeling the pull of the moodiness trying to drag me under water the whole day.

Then this afternoon, I had to leave the office to meet a client for a personal meeting. Not a common thing for me for me to have to do. I rarely meet people outside my office. But the timing couldn’t have been better with having to today.  The drive wasn’t that long of a one, 15-20 minutes maybe? But I was thankful for the mindless driving and that it offered me an escape from the madness of the office, if only for a little bit. The day here was beautiful, and I rolled the sunroof back, turned the radio way up and I just drove.

The meeting went well. I collected what I needed and in total, the actual meeting lasted less time than my drive over to it. I don’t mince words with small talk at work. (Hard to believe, right?! I know it seems like I’m a talker here.) But with the meeting behind me I soon found myself back in my car driving back.

I’ve talked before on music and how big it is in my life. Pulling out of the parking lot after leaving my quick meeting, commercials were playing on the radio station I’d left it on. The first song that came on after them, was the name sake of my blog. This was the radio, not a playlist or even an 80’s station. It just happened to be a random station that I had been listening to previously.

I reveled in it! This is ‘our’ song! It holds so much meaning to me and Mr. Bender, there’s inside jokes and sentimental understandings with them. It’s the little things that are the big things with life to me. Sorry to be so sappy.

But the song, it automatically put me in the best of moods, no tears, no sadness. It simply lighten my mind and spirit, for lack of a better description.

I would have been happy with that too, the just hearing that one song. I wouldn’t have even been here writing about it and I would have just taken my smile and went about my day. Honestly. I’m trying to take more of a ‘We take our smiles and happiness where we can in this life’ type of mentality these days.

But then the next song played. Another ‘our’ song. lol I promise we do not have a million ‘our’ songs! Just a few that I consider significant to us. But for these two songs to play, back to back? It had me in disbelief at the coincidence. The odds have to be astronomical to just play next to each other, right? Am I making more out of this than I should? I don’t want to think so, but maybe that’s my problem? Maybe I should stop making it ‘more’ and just accept that it’s coincidence?

Those exact 4 questions were in my mind when the last song came on before I arrived back at work- Signs by Five Man Electrical Band.  You know the ‘Sign Sign Everywhere a sign…Blocking out the scenery breaking my mind’ song. No, it’s not another one of ‘our’ songs, but I thought it funny(freaky funny) that it played right behind those other two. Right?

So I guess what I’m asking for here is, am I making things up to cling to hope? Was it the day, and I needed thoughts of him to pull me through it? Was it the crazy full moon? Or is it signs? I hadn’t had any signs of him, or any that I’ve noticed, in days. But what else could it be? How could I hear those 3 songs back to back- the first two especially.  They were released decades apart in genre on top of it- so I wouldn’t think it would be a common playlist for a radio station? Then add in that 15 min window of time of me actually being in the car to perfectly hear them play? Where is a Carl Jung when you need them??

~m

 

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Dear Mr. Vernon

 

Dear Mr. Vernon,

No I am not in your Saturday detention, but I am writing in response to your assignment: Who do I think I am?

I don’t know how I can exactly answer this satisfactory for your high standards? My words will not be of consequence in 5 years, except only as a journal entry, marking my evolution in growth. But I do think it is an excellent thought provoking question that will make me stop, breathe deeply,  and take stock of where I have came from, where I am now, and decide if where I am headed is where I need to go. I don’t write this for you, I write this for myself.

What I am- is a work in progress. I am, in what I like to believe, constantly always in motion toward self-improvement.  Who I was in 1985 is so different than the me I was in 1995.  2005 I was even more contrasting in personality than previous decades, and so far in 2016 I am unlike anything I have ever previously been or will become.

I am one of the lucky ones who has had her inner light stoked and frenzied by those who have touched my life and set it afire. I have become cognizant and aware of my growing luminescence so much that I note the differences so acutely of those around me who are sadly fading out in loagy weaknesses like that of dying stars.

It is said that when a star is born, atoms of light elements are squeezed under enough pressure for their nuclei to undergo fusion. All stars are the result of a balance of forces.

That Mr Vernon is what I am- a balance of forces.

I AM a star.

 

Sincerely yours,

~m

#TBC 2016