He Found Me

He found me.

While I was sitting alone in suffering silence.

 

I was surrounded by old friends in comfort:

Loss, regret and loneliness.

 

Over the years of my lives, I had earned their trust and respect,

That they now offered me companionship every hour.

 

And I was content with them.

They were loyal friends.

 

Their familiarity,  a balm of ritual.

That, is when he found me.

 

That, is when he loved me.

 

Not for my failed beauty.

But for my solitude.

 

For he was the same.

 

He saw my peace, and fell.

 

~m

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Affirmation

For most:

The story ends

When goals are reached

And accomplishments blend

 

Their aspirations fade

When destinations reached

Contentment is enough

Nothing more to teach.

 

Or is there?

 

For I must be a different creature:

Never satisfied with status quo

My heart force beats thirsty

My inner fire aglow

For more adventure

My goals are lofty

But for tomorrow

Will not be enough

Stepping-stones for today

I will have to apologize

For Many mistakes along my way

But truthfully, I didn’t lie

Yesterday it was true

It was what I wanted

You see you inspired

I believed I was wanted

You allowed me to see

What I could do better.

You gifted me sight,

Gumption and treasure

I will be eternally grateful

For your saving grace

Not just friendship

But the cruel efface

Of knowing you exist

I’m forever in debt

So rich beyond measure

 

I will never give up

Trying to do better

 

~m

An apology, an explanation, and a hug

It has been a few months since I’ve even logged into my site here,  or even allowing myself to be present and try to feel my thoughts into song, parameter or rhyme.

For that, I owe each of you an apology. Each of you deserve it. I owe it to each of you who have been so gracious, concerned, and who supported me and my erratic writings encouraging me forward.  I left. I turned my light out and left you all in the dark.

I am sorry.

But I didn’t abandon you. I’ve carried all of your inspiration and kindness inside of me, knowing that when I was stronger I would be back.

The last quarter of 2016 for me, was hellish.  I know it was for a lot of you too.

I struggled with everyday life in just trying to keep my precious words of creativity in harmony with in real life situations and living.  I was unable to do it. I was unable to remain open,  and had to pull myself back. I had to conserve the energy that I was bleeding out without replacement, and I had to find my center again.

I think we all go through these cycles of open and closed. When words pull emotions out of the darkness inside of us to share and release it, but the reality hits that we’re not yet ready to face those emotions. Or we pull out monsters and hidden truths we’d forgotten about and it’s more than we bargained for. But we try anyway.

We push when we should hold. For our own sanity, we should hold sometimes.  But it’s what we do as wordsmiths, we push the boundaries of our limits to go further. It’s what makes us better. It is what propels us to the stars and beyond, but it also can be our undoing. Being stubborn and not willing to give up, we press and push forward when we should hold.

Most of you are way more skilled and proficient in navigating the emotions that comes with deep sharing that writing allows us to do, and maybe you won’t understand what I’m even talking about because you are so much strong than I. But if you really write from the heart and the center of that darkness, I feel you will understand this more than I am even capable of explaining.

I can’t promise my writing has returned to like it was before. But strings of sentences to untold stories, dorky antidotes, and musings are bubbling and tickling to be seen and shared.

Thank you for staying with me. The kind words you’ve given and sent over the past few months have meant more than I can even express. I am slowly working my way through correspondence and will respond to you soon.

Hugs* for you all!

~m

 

Side note-  John Bender is no longer lost and has found me.  🙂

Lesson of the Crocodile

You never know what another may think

While smiling to flirt, with the riddles of the Sphinx

 

The crocodile serenely smiles, but don’t forget his teeth are still sharp

Beguiling false friendliness, hiding contempt with his masked tarp

 

Wicked thoughts run practiced scales, throughout his thick skull

Pirouettes are promised in twirls, all dressed in tulle

 

While questioning your confidence, your life he will pry

So beware and listen to your inner warnings with your third eye

 

You will be lovely, still honoring your natural sweetness

Giving love to all, doesn’t mean you have have to throw away your keenness

 

Keep your distance from these cold-blooded hearts while observing your beautiful worth

Be patient my dear friend…

Your time is coming, where you will inherit great joys of mirth

 

~m


For a very dear friend who is struggling with the harsh realities that not everyone is ‘nice’ or ‘honest’ with the truth of their intentions.
You WILL get through this!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Age Graceful

Originally posted on My Trending Stories 6.23.16

 

featured image

Be courageous in how you offer your smile,

Giving little thought to the what’s of the unimportant erstwhile.

Don’t misuse your intelligence in imaginative overthinking to wreck a conclusion,

Especially without holding all the hidden facts, they’re only pesky illusions.

Speak kindness to others who show their lack of expanded understanding,

Patience is a virtue, and implementing its enduring compassion will stay with you everlasting.

Don’t let anyone still the innocence of the child who speaks inside your heart,

That yearning white honor helps to keep us all beautiful, youthful and smart.

Enjoy every millisecond of moment that you are gifted to live,

Even the blackest clouds who hang overhead, can teach us how to forgive.

Chose to be appreciative with all that is abstract while taking time to be grateful,

Walk with shouldered integrity and with your heart open, it’s the only way to age graceful.

 

~m

Patchwork Heart

The seamstress’s original stitching may be a tad frayed,

Daily beatings has reversed tanned it’s leather to suede.

Years of wet tears have damaged the only wooden parts,

But there’s a magical thread stitched in this old Queen’s heart.

The broken pieces have expertly been sewn back in its shape of a box,

Crafty resembling my younger one, so mysterious it’s flummox.

Before the first slivered shatter of my happy heart happened,

Before life showed me truth and tried to color my heart blackened,

I wasn’t as strong and advanced as it is now,

The magical seamstress sewed into it the strength of a vow.

She added in hope and forgiveness with it’s threads,

And  taught me bravery in no hesitation with sending love widespread.

It was her kindness that made me who I am today

She saved me from my self-hate, her beautiful influence had me swayed.

Her sewing abilities have claimed me an original art,

All because she gave kindness, mending my patchwork heart.

 

~m

 

Hydrangea

My hydrangea

I’m not best photographer, so forgive me!

But I  wanted to share my hydrangea and how it is changing colors since I’ve planted it.

It was a gift to me from my mother for Mother’s day this year, and I had never seen one that was maroon in color. Since planting, it is starting to turn bright pinks instead of the crimsons.

My mom found it at a local farmers market, and I can say I’m tickled pink over it.  😉

What do you think AngloSwiss?

 

~m

 

Champion

 

Impress to me,

With eccentric sensibility.

Like a gentleman,

Kiss my praying hands.

Sweep me off,

My dreamering feet.

Your fotress fortitude,

Will teach me to regally stand.

I don’t need

A cartoon savior

Who I need,

Is a dependable friend.

Someone who sees,

The darkness in the corners of my eyes.

And despite its vastness

Always know

Whom I loyally can depend.

~m

Living your dreams

 

(Disneyland’s Swiss Family Robinson’s Tree house)

 

Don’t criticize me for being a dreamer,

My dreams survive like the Swiss Family Robinson.

My tree house

Resides high up in the clouds…

Maybe that’s why

you can’t understand my lofty views?

 

~m


 

This past month my best friend and I, made a huge decision- we have partnered to start a LLC together. It most certainly is not going to make us rich monetarily, but it will (I believe!) give us financial independence and soul satisfaction in doing work we both love and doing it together.  In a few years time, if we have committed to it and established ourselves in the NC arts community, I believe we will be successful enough to at least pay our bills. Or that is the plan anyway!
It is the hardest I have ever worked for or on anything- ever.  Because I want it.
I do have a few apprehensions, but doesn’t every new venture have those? Of course I worry that I’ll be able to stay driven. I worry that I’m investing every dime I have in savings toward it and then some, and it still might not work…  but that’s life right? Risk?  I’m tired of giving my hours of work for someone else who doesn’t appreciate the asset that I am. I know most of us do that and I’m in no way trying to sing my praises or that I am above anyone. I’m not. But I am a hard worker, and currently my day job is slowly sucking my soul away, like the pit of dispaire. And this is not what I was trying to type about here. lol
This poem came out of having my feelings hurt today by a family member because of aforementioned decision in my life.
They told me and they believe, that I am being too unrealistic.
That was their words- You’re being too unrealistic.  Then they dismissed it as not even being worthy of their time to hear anymore of it.
Yes, I am a dreamer. I own and claim that I am. I really am one of the biggest dreamers to have ever lived up to the Pisces attributed definition!
But because I am a dreamer, that doesn’t mean that I am stupid, or that my ideas and dreams are not worth living and trying, right? (And I am talking about good dreams and ideas, not those crazy ‘what if’s’ of winning a lottery type of dreams.) I have crunched numbers, I have gotten advice from small business associations and attorneys- this isn’t a spur of the moment decision for me and my friend. This is something that we have given lots of thought to, given lots of resources to, and still we feel we are making (good)educated decisions going forward on this life changing plan. We accept that there are risk involved but we really feel that we can make a good go of this.
I’m mad at myself, for letting someone get in my head and make me doubt my own abilities. Especially with it being a family member.  I know there is adversity everywhere on the road for this plan. But there is adversity everywhere in life.  I thought I would at least find a little interest in finding who I am? I dunno, maybe I’m just being too sensitive about it all.
If a stranger had said that to me,  that I am too unrealistic… I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash at them. It probably wouldn’t have even registered with me as an insult, but instead as motivation. But because the person who did say those words to me and they mean something to me, it stung and made me doubt this decision. It took a little umph out of my sails.
I am trying to remain open enough to remember we don’t all have to agree, and we don’t always have the same view of the world. But we can still love one another.