I feel… the worst!

We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.” – Ernest Hemingway

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I heard this quote first thing this morning on the radio as I was getting ready for work.  (Yes I’m one of 3 people who still listens to just the plain radio!) :p

It always has been a favorite of mine from Hemingway.

It reminds me, that being ‘broken’ doesn’t have to be a bad and an incapacitating thing in life.

Being broken is not an excuse to play victim from the hand that life has dealt anyone. (Of course this is just my opinion.)

Instead, I think being broken means we’re equipped and prepared to absorb energy’s healing light.

But since this morning, I have heard (and have read) this exact quote, or “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ― Rumi  (exactly what Hemingway was saying) five six separate times. All from different people and from different medias.

I wasn’t looking for it.

Each time it has found me.

Now whether it was forefront in my mind and I’m sensitive from hearing it the first time this morning,  or there’s some scratch in the universes record playlist for me today… It seems that synchronicity is beating my brain door down to make me take note and putting it on repeat.

To add more backstory,  I started my day asking the universe for a sign on direction of how to ease my troubled John Bender heart. I’ve been at a loss on how to move forward and I’ve been feeling worn.

Some days I’m glad for the complete absorption of him. It feels right to still have him in my thoughts and heart. Other days I want to stop my stubborn heart from feeling, and be able to do. one. single. thing.  without him in my head or having my heart look for him.  I don’t think it’s too much to ask, is it?  I don’t mean to forget him.  I know that’s impossible.  But I mean, to discover a way on how to quiet the constant rattle of chains from his ghost? How do I hide those damn chains!?

I started this post to be positive. Truly, I did. But the more I write, them more I’m realizing it’s flowing more as anger. Not at him, but at myself. I have no better control of stopping my emotions and feelings for him now, as I did weeks ago. Time hasn’t lessened the pull, instead the incessant thinking has trapped me deeper in its tar of grey matter. The harder I’ve tried to pull myself back from feelings and thoughts of him, the stronger that Chinese finger trap on my heart, tightens it’s grip. How is that even possible? I’m trying to let go, so why can’t I!?

Cracks be damned, I have had enough light already. All I am accomplishing is creating more cracks. How do I fuse them back together to block it all out?

I’m being dramatic, I know. I just don’t know what, who or where the universe is trying to tell me to do.  I feel I’m stagnant and I ‘feel’. What a horrible thing to type, voice and experience- I feel.

Gah- Egads!

 

~m

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 comments

  1. Lake Writer · May 2, 2016

    First, add me to the list of people who wake up to radio. Second, that’s a brilliant phrase: “. . . some scratch in the universes record playlist for me today.” Just a really creative description. Third, and most important, I don’t believe you can fuse the cracks back together, unfortunate as that is. The healing is gradual, on purpose, I think, for reasons that may become apparent to you. I’m sure you are in many of your readers’ thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dont You Forget About Me · May 3, 2016

      Thank you, you’re very sweet! 🙂 Though I’m not proud of this temper tantrum of a post, I do feel my equilibrium is righted to more a normal degree because of it. I’m just frustrated, and I’m at a loss for not being able to ‘fix’ things. All I can do it seems is write. Thank you for taking the time to read and offer your sweet kindness. It means a lot. hugs*

      Liked by 1 person

  2. mysecretme75 · May 4, 2016

    We are all broken. In learning how everyone else is also broken is a form of healing in itself I believe. Yes, everyone of us is broken and every one has a story.

    Liked by 1 person

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